Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
by Mauve Pocky
Summary: Seto is sick and tired of putting up with his stepbrother Noah. They are now hosting a competition to see who is truly superior...but it won't be easy. Babysitting BEWDs, survive the attack of Friendship Girl, and turning into GIRLS?
1. Chapter 1

**Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better**

_Dedicated to Seto and Noah Kaiba, for their "brotherly-love" relationship…or not. Of course, our dear little Noah is alive in this fanfic, and I've paired Seto up with Kisara. So HA if you don't like that couple then TOO BAD! So enjoy and please review! _

**Chapter One: Step-Sibling Rivalry**

"Arrgh, I just can't take it anymore!" Seto stared at the scribbly graffiti that now adorned his bedroom walls. Giant fluorescent orange letters making out "Seto sucks" and "Seto smells like crap" assaulted his walls with sheer insult and indignity. The culprit? Well, there could only be one person Seto knew that could have done this…

Now who would be daring and rude enough to sneak into Seto Kaiba's room (we're talking about THE Seto Kaiba) and turn his perfectly organized and neat personal space into something like a gangster-infested alley? It couldn't have been anyone else but his devious step-brother Noah, who had seemed to set his eyes on his company for a long time. Of course, the five feet tall green-haired runt posed no serious threat to Seto's career and personal life, but he was definitely annoying and troublesome as hell. For instance, Noah seemed to be the apple of everyone's eye. (Except for Seto, of course) Mokuba got along "extremely well" with him and Seto's girlfriend, Kisara, was sure to lavish all her "love" for him with chocolates and suffocating hugs. (Aww, come here, you cutie! ) Noah was usually able to get away with things he did by creating a diversion using his famous technique…the dreaded Chibi Face of Doom along with the classic act of innocence. (AAAHHH!) Pathetic, I know, but Noah's Chibi Face did possess a hypnotizing and manipulative quality that seemed to work especially well on little brothers and kid-loving girlfriends.

That was the last straw to Seto's patience. For agonizing months now he had to endure the harsh reality of living with a duplicate of Satan, and now he wontt play Mr. Nice-Guy anymore. Fuming, he marched into the living room.

Noah, of course, was looking as innocent as an angel. He was seated on a comfortable leather couch watching TV with Mokuba curled up beside him. He had already foreseen Seto's arrival so he had already prepared everything. Hiding a mischievous grin, Noah turned to greet his step-brother.

"Hi, Seto, why the long face?"

"You little twerp, you know what I mean, so don't play innocent with me!" Seto exclaimed impatiently.

"No, I really don't know." Noah stared back at him with a blank expression.

"Seto, do you always have to be this mean to Noah?" Mokuba cut in.

"Look, if you don't believe me, then take a look for yourselves!" Sighing in frustration, Seto led the two boys down across the hall to his room.

He swung open the door. "See? That's what I meant!"

Noah only smiled at Seto's exasperation. It was rather entertaining to see his step-brother accuse him of his doings but never being able to convince others. "Well, I must say that whoever did this must have an interesting sense of humor. Pleased, Noah gave Seto a mocking smirk.

"Yeah, Noah's right. Just because you **think** it's Noah doesn't really mean that he did it." Mokuba backed up Noah.

"Oh yeah? Then who do **you **suppose did this? The Tooth Fairy perhaps, hmmm?" Seto glared.

"Actually, that theory of yours is quite possible." Noah shrugged casually.

"Highly possible, the Tooth Fairy just paid me a visit last night." Mokuba held up a shiny quarter and opened his mouth, revealing a distinct gap between his front teeth. "See?"

"Look, I just can't stand it anymore!" Seto hollered. If this was a cartoon show, (it's anime, there's a difference no duh) steam would probably be coming out of Seto's ears by now. "If you want to deny what you did and blabber all day about some useless cruddy Tooth Fairy theory, then you can **GO TO HELL**!"

"My dear brother, why must you always be so violent?" Noah shook his head, as if in disappointment. "If you do have anything against me, not that I think you do, then why don't we settle it the old-fashioned nice competition way?"

Seto, for once, had to agree. This was a chance to prove who was truly superior. "Alright, a competition it is."

Noah held out his hand, and Seto shook it unwillingly with a rough force. "Alright, you're on." Noah grinned in a menacingly smug way. "I'm sure it will be a nice _friendly_ sibling competition…"

"You both are freaking me out…" Mokuba rolled his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Let's Get It Started In Here!**

_Well, here goes another chapter! Anyways, I will be in this chapter as Meteora and hopefully Seto will rid of Noah the little pest soon…nah. I'm definitely **younger** (I'm too young to drive, got it?) than Seto, but older than Mokuba. Anyways, nobody wants to listen to babble so let's get on with the story!_

Meteora glanced impatiently at her watch. She was definitely late, and Seto really hated it when she wasn't on time. Ever since she heard about this little "situation" between Seto and Noah, the Kaiba family seemed to be experiencing a serious family feud. Clearly the two sides were divided between Noah and Seto, and unfortunately for Mokuba, he was stuck in the middle.

"Can't you go any faster? I've seen faster snails on a racetrack!" Complained Meteora to the abhorrent grumpy-looking limousine driver in front. _Blasted driver, I really ought to get a new one…_

"Miss, this is as fast as the car goes. If you want some road rage, then may I suggest the possible act of hiring a new driver!" He snarled back.

"That's a great idea! In fact I think I'll do so today!" Enraged, Meteora hollered back with the same force. Before the driver had the chance to respond, she exited the vehicle (it's moving too!) and slammed the door shut. **"HAVE A NICE LIFE!" **With one last angry attempt, she trudged through the crowd-infested downtown streets to a nearby bus station.

"Damn driver…" Cursing under her breath, she fumbled for her bus ticket.

"Hey, Meteora, what are you doing here?" A feminine voice asked. She glanced up, and she saw a girl in her late teens smiling at her. The girl had waist length silvery platinum-blonde hair and sparkling sapphire eyes. Her pale skin and soft complexion made her quite beautiful but a bit startling as well. Meteora immediately identified her as Kisara, Seto's girlfriend.

"Oh, hi Kisara, I was going to meet up with Seto and Noah."

"Really? I was going to see them as well. Although I think I might need some chocolates to bring along for Noah, don't you think?"

"Chocolates? For Noah? Nobody ever gives **me **chocolates! And why do you like Noah so much anyways? Seto is your boyfriend and Mokuba's the younger one." Meteora exclaimed.

"Well, Noah is special… not to mention cute and huggable!" Kisara giggled, pulling Meteora into a tight hug. "Don't worry, I'm sure somebody else out there will find you cute and huggable too and give you lots of chocolates!"

"I just had to ask…" Meteora choked, her muffled voice barely audible. How anybody like Kisara can have such strength was quite a wonder.

After the bus ride

"Seto, let us in!" Meteora's voice came from the speaker.

"About time you came!" Seto unlocked the door for her.

"You really gotta do something about those over-sized mutts of yours…" Meteora glared hatefully at the growling guard dogs.

""That was Noah's idea…speaking of which, you have to help me!" Seto ushered the two of them in.

Seto mentioned for Meteora to sit down. "So I guess you've already heard about what's going on between me and Noah, huh?"

"Yep, and I know exactly what you two should do!" Meteora nodded enthusiastically.

"Well, actually, you don't need to worry about that, it's already settled that we will have a competition. Winner takes all, loser have to do whatever the winner wants him to do for an entire year." Seto explained. "What I need you for is to decide which subject we compete in."

"Hmm, if you ask me… no duelling, because that's just getting old, no singing karaoke because you both reek at that, no strip poker because you two are going to get drunk, most likely, maybe Fear Factor-" Meteora was unfortunately cut off.

"No, that's not my point! I meant what you actually **want** us to do, not a bunch of no's!"

"Well, then I guess you two should have some kind of ultimate match in everything... hey, I have an idea! How's about using that virtual world design of Noah's and have you two compete there? Anything's possible, and everything is real enough!"

Seto considered the idea. "Well, I guess, but Noah has an advantage: **HE LIVED THERE FOR 6 YEARS!**" Noah flashed a toothy smile at both of them. "Yep, he's right, I know everything there like the back of my hand! Like where the nearby bathrooms are if you need to go in a hurry!"

"I guess I'll just have to modify it a bit…" Meteora sighed. "Ya know, it's not really comfortable to do anything when you're in a hurry to go." Seto nodded in agreement, and Noah looked a bit sulky.

"Well then, what are you two waiting for? Let's get the competition started already!" Meteora brightened up.

"And we can invite everybody over like Yugi and his bunch of friends so we'd have an audience!" Mokuba suggested. "Oh come on, please?"

"Yeah, Seto, please?" Kisara added.

"Fine, I suppose…" Seto sighed. "Just make sure Wheeler doesn't interfere with any of this."

Soon after the gang arrived at the supercomputer headquarters, accompanied by Yugi and his friends. Meteora started up the computer, which laid amidst a forest of wires and plugs.

"Hey, look, there's a hot babe in the computer!" Joey made a mad dash for the monitor screen. The result was a "crash" and a "owwwwww my face!"

"Sorry, that was the screensaver…" Noah laughed nervously. "Ya know, the free ones you can download form those sites…"

Yugi, on the other hand, was busy arguing with Seto. "Kaiba, in order to win this, you must have faith!" He shouted. "Believe in the heart of the cards and your destiny will guide you to success!"

"Yugi, you really should give up those prep talks. Besides, we're not even duelling!" Seto hollered back.

"You must believe!" Yugi took a threatening step towards Seto.

"Over my dead body!" Seto snarled. A few minutes later, all that was heard was cursing and the sound of fists.

"Well, Kaiba's taking this pretty well, don't you think?" Bakura smiled to Tea.

"But they need friendship!" Tea whined. "And without friendship, the world is a barren wasteland of frozen snow-" Bakura shoved a shoe up Tea's mouth, and now all that came out was a "hmmm, hmmm!"

"I know, I agree…" Bakura sighed, smiling to himself. "It's nice to know that some of you people now actually understand the concept of quiet."

"Okay, people! The computers are ready, let's go! Chop chop!" Meteora's voice boomed from over the speaker.

"Be careful!" Kisara hugged Seto, who shot a dirty look at Noah.

"May the best man win." Seto and Noah unwillingly shook hands. "I hope you can't hold it and need to use the bathroom." Noah added, breaking into an evil laugh. "Cause I won't tell you where they are!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Virtual Reality Ahoy!**

_OMG I haven't updated for like…an eternity. I had too much schoolwork to concentrate on writing, so forgive me…but I'm not dead, I'm back…_

"Harajuku girls you got the wicked style, I like the way that you are. I am your biggest fan!"

Seto groggily opened his eyes, distracted by where the rather annoying lyrics had come from. (No offense Gwen Stefani, but I'm assuming that Seto Kaiba doesn't like you…) He vaguely recalled the melody of the song from that time Noah had snuck into his office and inserted the Gwen Stefani CD into his newly purchased $2,000 MP4 player. (Hey MP4 does exist…I just don't know what it is…)

Where was that annoying song emitting from? He couldn't see any traces of even a speaker.

Speaking of which, where was that twerp, Noah?

"Noah?" Seto called out, sitting up. He took in his new surroundings. He appeared to be in the middle of some glade surrounded by acres of green forest. The horizon line had been concealed from sight, for all he knew, these forests could stretch on for miles.

"I don't remember this part of the virtual world…" Seto muttered, peering into the thick canopies of plants in search for that familiar mop of aqua hair.

"OH MY GOD! I DON'T WANNA DIE!" That had definitely been a distinct clue about where Noah had been.

As much as Seto enjoyed the aspect of his step-brother suffering, he still rushed towards the pinpoint of he sound.

"Hang on Noah, I'm coming---on my GOD!"

Seto's jaws dropped about 5 feet. He gaped at the sight that he was presented with. Noah was bound by the arms and legs and hung up-side-down on a rather sagging branch. His face appeared to be completely red due to the blood rushing into his head, and a simmering pot of boiling weenies bubbled away noisily at the bottom of the tree.

But that was not the most disturbing part of the scene. A group of Chibified versions of Seto's precious Blue Eyes White Dragons pranced around the pot of weenies gaily, chanting a squeaky, high-pitched melody of "Harajuku Girls".

"What the f—?" Seto glared down at the Chibified BEWDs, clearly not too pleased with the sight.

"Uh…a little help here would be appreciated!" Noah hollered.

After a few minutes the aqua-haired teenager was safely standing on flat ground, cursing and kicking at the dancing dragons that had held him hostage. "You freaking overly-exaggerated albino lizards!" He kicked at a nearby BEWD who suckled on his shoes.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" A voice warned.

"Hi! It's me…Meteora! You have already had a sneak-peek of your first challenge---babysitting BEWDs!"

Seto's eye twitched. Noah screamed as one of the "overly-exaggerated albino lizards" sank its fangs into his hand.

"Hey I thought this was going to involve some manly challenges, not a bunch of silly feminine things!" Noah complained, suckling at his wounded hand.

"Well too bad… you know, soft and mushy things like these are what truly makes a man superior…yada blada gah…" Seto could mentally see Meteora rolling her eyes. "So good luck and whoever makes their BEWDs the happiest wins! Cheers!"

"So…I guess we should start…"Seto sceptically eyed Noah, who was rather busy trying to fling off all the BEWDs that clung to him.

**After a While…**

"Mommy! Yay!" Screeched a particularly chubby BEWD, clinging to Seto's leg.

"I am truly traumatized by this experience…" Seto muttered. He glanced over at Noah, who was pampering his litter of BEWDs with baby powder and pink bowties.

"Okay, Coco's done…so you're next, Poobah." He reached for another squeaking dragon and placed it on his lap. "Don't worry, you'll be nice and clean soon!"

Unlike Noah's litter of dragons, Seto's was a rather miserable sop of screaming, crying, and clinging talking draconians.

"Wahhh! I want bottle!"

"Squeak! I need to poopie!"

"AAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

"Sing them a lullaby, dammit!" Meteora screamed angrily from a hidden speaker somewhere.

"No way, you know that I don't sing!" Seto crossed his arms across his chest. "I am not giving up my male pride for this silly challenge!"

"Well then I guess Noah is truly superior---"

"Okay, okay! I'll sing!" Seto panicked, rummaging his genius mind for a song. "Uhhh…can I sing---"

"Nope, Chester Bennington would hate you for degrading his songs! No Linkin Park!"

"How's about---"

"No Green Day either…"

"Uh…"

"You can't sing 'me no stupid, me no dumb. Me stick finger up my bum!'"

"Well then what can I sing?"

"Oh…I dunno, how's about…"

**After a while…again…**

"Look at your watch now, you're still a super hot female!" Seto waved his bum madly, winking and making flirtatious gestures. He wore a platinum-blonde wig atop his brunette hair and loads of lipstick was smothered over his lips.

Since he was drugged by loads of candy, Meteora doubted that he would complain.

"Take a chance you stupid ho!" Seto screamed out in a high-pitched feminine voice so unlike his usual vocals.

Sitting in front of his was Noah and the BEWDs, laughing their heads off, their faces full of tears.

"I guess you were right, Meteora. A man will go into extremes for his pride." Noah sighed, trying to cease his laughter.

"Yay! Mommy!" One of Seto's BEWDs cheered on.

_I'll apologize for the rather short chapter, but I'm really tired so I have to go get meself some crack---I meant candy… _

_Sorry, Seto, I guess I bashed you a lot in this chapter…but Noah's turn will come soon :)_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Goin' Medieval**

_Well well well…I guess Yu-Gi-Oh is finished…for good. (Since the entire series finished on YTV…finally, about 10 years later) But the remnants of this oh-so-lengthy series will always exist in some dark crevice of my mind. By the way…Azumanga Daioh, Erementar Gerad, Full Moon wo Sagashite, and Galaxy Angel are awesome shows! If you get the chance, be sure to check them out on I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, its related characters, AdventureQuest or Rona...or anything really. :(_

Seto was extremely unimpressed, and grouchy. For some "unexplained" reason, he felt as if someone had drugged him with litres of novocaine and thumped him on the noggin with a heavy baseball bat. Also, he could not help but feel a wave of nausea wash over him…did someone give him laxatives?

But then he realized he had a much more severe situation on his hand. He slowly turned his head to a pile of white flesh, claws, fangs, and tails. Oh yes…there they were, those bothersome, accursed, damned cheap versions of his almighty Blue Eyes White Dragon.

"WHY! Why must fate be so cruel to me!" An exasperated lament escaped Seto's lips.

"You've finally woken up…woohoo!" Meteora's voice boomed from a randomly placed hidden speaker. "Did I mention that Noah won the first challenge?"

The aqua-haired teenager popped out of nowhere and gave him a cheesy smile and a thumbs-up.

"Hey, not fair. I went through so much!" Seto retorted angrily.

"Well…Noah's BEWDs were much happier than yours. I guess you aren't really in touch with your feminine side." Meteora chuckled.

"You know, if you keep this up. I'm going to never ask you for help ever again." Seto hollered.

"Eh, I don't like helping you anyways. It's not like I get paid to do it."

"Oh…" Seto could not think of a decent comeback for that one.

"Anyways, moving on…today's challenge!" Meteora ignored Seto's loss for words. "I've decided that since you two have already gotten enough of feminine-related affairs, the next challenge shall be more masculine. The theme shall be Camelot…because lately I've played way too much RPG games. I'm sure you two educated 'gentlemen' have heard of the story of King Arthur and the Excalibur. So…this challenge shall be a similar modified version. That is all…I'm off to play more AdventureQuest!"

"What detailed instructions!" Noah rolled his eyes.

Fortunately for Seto, at the precise moment when Meteora signed off, the baby BEWDs all vanished into thin air…or so he thought. Taking their place was a viciously sharp-looking sword with its hilt encased in a solid bed of rock. A silver glimmer glistened at the exposed blade, completing an aura of enigma and power around the weapon.

"Very formidable." Noah commented nonchalantly.

He approached the Excalibur and examined the encased portion more closely. For a while, Noah knocked at the rock with his knuckles and listened intently for any fault in the rock.

Then, drawing a sharp breath, the lanky teenager tugged at the elaborately decorated malachite pommel with all his strength. Despite the veins bulging beneath his "muscles" and sweat beads forming at his face, the blade did not even budge.

"Damn this! I need some power tools!" Noah cursed.

Seto merely watched.

"Oh look! A Rona hardware store!" Noah pointed at a store nearby. "I am saved!"

After a few minutes and a few thousand virtual dollars, Noah came back victoriously. In his hands was a formidable-looking jackhammer.

"I'm gonna get it!" Screeching victoriously, Noah turned on the jackhammer and drilled intently at the rock. Clouds of dust began to form, soon obscuring everything form sight.

When the dust cleared up, however, Noah discovered that the rock was safe and sound…in fact, not a scratch appeared on the jagged grey surface. Instead, the drill of his jackhammer was worn away.

"No way!" Noah stared in horror. "But I always have a backup plan!"

The crazed teenager held a flamethrower over his head. "Now…my reign of fury shall commence! Noah PWNS you all!" Laughing hysterically, Noah cackled like an old witch.

But Noah's "reign of fury" had to wait a while. The call of nature interrupted him rudely. "Er…be right back. I need to use the washroom!" Noah waved at Seto, and walked head-first into a tree.

"Oof!" Noah rubbed at his injured head.

"But…I don't understand…that was supposed to be where the bathroom was!" Noah pouted.

"Hey, Noah…maybe that wooden sign that says 'here be ye olde john' is what you're looking for. You nimrod." Seto pointed a lazy finger.

"Right!"

**After Noah's Trip to ye olde john**

Noah headed back after half an hour and found Seto asleep on a nearby rock.

"Seto…" Noah shook the groggy brunette awake.

"Eh…Kisara…no, baby, don't stop now…" Obviously Seto was not fully awake.

Noah gave Seto another shake to gain his attention.

"Oh…Noah…what happened to you? You look really pale." Seto observed his step-brother's face with a lazy yawn.

"Ye olde john…no toilet paper…leaves…"

"Ha, you hapless sop." Seto chuckled. "Now…aren't you going to complete your 'reign of fury'?"

With a barely audible groan which sounded like "yes…", Noah shakily picked up the flamethrower and commenced his business.

Well…guess what happened instead. After 5 tries, the rock still felt solid and even cool to touch. Noah, in sheer fury, dragged some dynamite (which just happened to be lying around) towards the encased sword and detonated the soundly explosion.

The damned rock was still there, safe and sound.

"Screw this! At this rate I'm going to need an atomic bomb!"

And all of a sudden a brilliant idea hatched inside Noah's thick-headed brain. The teenager eagerly ran into the distance.

Several hours later and Noah still hadn't returned. Seto lazily scanned the horizon line for any trace of his brother, but only saw a mushroom-shaped plume of smoke rising languidly.

"Hmm…I thought I would have heard that." Standing up, Seto Kaiba headed unhurriedly towards the Excalibur. "Well…I suppose it's my turn now."

"Squeak!" To Seto's sheer fright, he suddenly discovered a very familiar creature clinging to his ankle. It was that particularly chubby BEWD from yesterday.

"Oh no you don't!" Anger boiled up inside of Seto. "You are to never approach me again! **NEVER!" **In a blind rage-filled wrath, the CEO gave a powerful kick with his leg and sent the little dragon sailing away.

And it just so happened that the dragon landed on an inconspicuous spot near the rock. With a low groan, the rock readily split in half, releasing the sword, which just happened to fall into Seto's outstretched hands.

"…" For the second time in this chapter, Seto was at a loss for words.

"I must thanketh thee for thy assistance in returning to me the Excalibur." Out of the blue, the BEWD sat upright and spoke with a masculine, booming voice. "Now…to the Round Table!" With a deft whistle, a stalwart chestnut stallion reared into sight and the dragonlet climbed onto the saddle.

"Farewell, brave adventurer!" The BEWD waved its chubby white claws in reverence. Seto stared at the atrocity he was presented with until it was out of sight. He blinked and gained consciousness.

"This means that I won…right?"

_Done this chapter! Finally! And Noah isn't severely injured, everyone…he can't die in the virtual world!_


End file.
